Pause 6: Noticing the Invisible
Reclaiming What Matters Most
The Slow Drift Into Invisibility
I’ve been reflecting lately on how the most meaningful aspects of our lives can gradually fade into the background, becoming invisible even to ourselves. Over the past few years, I’ve set countless intentions each January—ambitious plans for artwork, personal development, and creative projects that truly ignite my passion. Yet somehow, these intentions kept getting shelved. Not because I lacked desire, but because I prioritized my community—my Patreon supporters, course students, and YouTube subscribers—always ensuring I showed up for others first. And while I genuinely love serving my community, I wasn’t extending the same dedication to myself.
The result wasn’t unhappiness exactly, but rather a subtle lack of fulfillment—a different kind of burden to carry. I’d repeatedly promise myself, “This year will be different,” making minor adjustments that never fundamentally changed the pattern. My most cherished projects—the ones I dreamed about in quiet moments—remained perpetually simmering on the back burner. Before I realized it, two years had slipped away, with my deepest creative ambitions still waiting for their moment.
The Decision: Becoming Visible Again
In 2025, I finally declared: Enough. I had to stop allowing myself to become invisible in my own life. I knew this transformation wouldn’t be seamless or perfect. I’ve been gradually shifting the format of my YouTube channel, and I recognize not everyone embraces this evolution. Some viewers are enthusiastic about the changes, while others prefer my previous approach—and I completely understand. Change is inherently uncomfortable, even when we recognize its necessity.
But here’s the crucial insight: without evolution, without pushing myself into unexplored territory, I become stagnant. And prolonged stagnation leads to invisibility—to losing touch with my authentic creative voice.